My newest little guy arrived January 30th. Connor Joseph arrived at 8:01 (c-section) weighing 7lbs 0oz and was 20 inches long. Had a few problems on the operating table with my temp dropping to 95 and my blood pressure but they took good care of me. Connor is soooo amazing that I'm already ready to do it again. Not right now but I wouldn't mind next year. He sleeps a LOT but I love cuddling him.

Hope the picture of us shows up.
He'll be two weeks old today. I can't believe how time flies now that he's here. I know I'm going to have a hard time going back to work next month. I can't bear the thought of not being with him.

Happy 2009!!!!! I'm so happy that January is finally here. Only 30 more days until my new little guy arrives. Connor Joseph will arrive January 30th. I haven't posted here in a while but wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year.

It's A Boy!!!! Connor Joseph will arrive January 30th, 2009! I'm very excited about having my third son. I was really hoping for a girl but I'm just really happy that everything is going well. I may feel like shit all the time but at least he's healthy. He's very active, the Ultrasound tech called him a wiggle worm. My boys are very excited about having a new brother. I was kind of worried about my oldest (Jackson) because he had a lot of problems when Ryley was born. But he's very excited so far. Ryley can't wait to teach his new brother about Thomas the train. It doesn't look like we'll have a new house before Connor arrives. I'm not happy about it but there's nothing I can do. Not one person has looked at the house. His mom suggested that we move in with them - over my cold dead body. I don't even want to live next door to them.
Life has been pretty stressfull in other ways too. I was working out of town for awhile but ended up coming back early because my roommate was driving me nuts. She'd go to bed at 7pm and snore ALL night long. If she wasn't snoring she was twitching. So after many nights of not sleeping I finally said fuck it and came back.
Then my job title got changed and I lost my schedule of 7am - 4pm. My option was 4pm - 1am. No way. I've worked second shift jobs too much with the boys and now that they are both in school I just can't. So I asked to just go to third shift. I got an .80 raise and I can sleep while the boys are in school. The bad thing about that is that my boyfriend and I can't ride to work together. The transmition went out in my van so were down to one car - his Mustang. In one week it cost over $120 in gas. We're driving back and forth 6 times a day. He comes to work at 7am, I drive home, at 3:30 I come back to pick him and the boys up and then we drive home, at 9pm he drives me to work and then he drives back home. I have started just staying at my grandma's during the day because I was only getting 5 hours of sleep a day and being pregnant I need more sleep.
I'm trying to quit smoking. Not because I really want to but because I can't afford it. Today wasn't such a good day but I'm going to try again tomarrow. With the van being out of commission, Christmas coming, a new baby and everything else going on something had to go. As much as I love to smoke I just can't justify the expense. I'm going to keep trying though. I'm not going to let one bad day get me down.

Life is kind of frustrating right now. Money is very tight right now. It cost me $100 just to drop my son half way to meet his dad. Can't really afford it but either can he. I've been feeling really sick too so it makes work pretty hard. I'm switching jobs at work so I work the same time my honey does so we don't have to bring both cars to town. I really decided to switch jobs when I found out this woman who works in my erea makes 50 cents more an hour than I do and I've been there almost 2 years and she's only been there a few months. It's pretty bullshit. This whole house thing is really pissing me off. His step dad said he'd put the house in the paper and then only did it once. He didn't even bother to tell us. He then said he couldn't afford the $11. Fuck, at least be honest about it. I'll do it my damn self but at least be honest. The way things are going we'll never be able to move. We can't afford the gas to stay here.
Also my mother is being a total bitch. She's trying to come between me and my sister because I'm putting my foot down about some stuff with her and my kids. Charity was supposed to come over tomarrow and now my mother won't let her. She's been trying to pull a bunch of shit between us for a while now. I'm reay to be done with my mom but I love my sister and she's only 12.

Sorry that I haven't been on in a LONG time. Life has been crazy busy. Still trying to sell this house so we can move to town (gas is way tooo ezpensive), wedding plans kind of got pushed back for right now (which is ok since we arn't getting married until 2010) because we're having a baby!!! February 12th. Very excited about that. More soon hopefully.

Sorry that I haven't been on much lately. Life has been crazy. With work, a new boyfriend, kids and trying to find a house to buy and being sick I haven't really had a chance to get on. I finally goit a car so I'm not trapped in the house as much either. FREEDOM!!!!! No more expensive cabs. I spend in two weeks in gas what I would have paid a week in cabs and that was just going back and forth to work five days a week. Fuck that mess. I definatly we be back online more when we find a house because I will be too broke to do anything else. It will be well worth it though. We've looked and two and we will be looking at two more tonight. It's just kind of hard to find what we want, in the neighborhood we want for what we can afford. It has to have at the least three bedrooms (though we'd like four); a decent backyard (for kids and dog) and either a finished basement or a basement that can be finished. It also has to be in a safe neighborhood. I love the house that I'm in (i grew up in this house) but it's just not practical. Plus I'm tired of not being able to send my kids outside without worrying. I never let them go out alone. Not in this neigborhood.
On another note: I've been really sick since March. I'm sick to my stomache all the time and really tired. I have two appointments next week to try and figure out why. And NO I'm not pregnant. It sure feels like it though. It makes it really hard to put on a happy face and go to work when all I feel like doing is throwing up.
On a happy note: My boyfriend is so perfect. I LOVE HIM so much! And my boys really like him too. They spend more time crawling all over him then they do with me. LOL. I think it really helps them to have a man around. I can't wait until we're all livung underf one roof. I won't feel so divided on my time. I want to be home and I want to be with my man. it hurts that my honey doesn't live in the same town. But we're working on that. He lives a half an hour away and I can't afford the gas money. Plus there's only 200 people in that town and I just wouldn't be happy living in a town that small. It also doesn't help that he lives right next to his mom and step dad. I don't want to live next to my own mother let alone someone else's. I don't need someone watching my every move. Weither they would or not that's how I'd feel. No thank you.

Sorry about not posting here in so long. Life has been crazy busy. Between my new boyfriend(who I'm totally head over heels in love with); the kids, work (part of which was out of town) and my new ulcer (which is a total pain) i haven't really been online as much. Plus my computer is a piece of shit and it's about to totally die. I've got a list of things I want to blog about but I don't know if that will be today. I just wanted everyone to know I'm still around.

Looks like I have a new ulcer. I started having chest pain on Sunday. Figured it was heart burn. It was a dull pain that just never ended. Then Monday while I was at work every three minutes it felt like someone was stabbing me in the chest. I kept pushing m thumb into the spot. I almost doubled up. I ended up leaving after an hour of this. Let them coach me for it - I was in PAIN. I don't have a regular doctor anymore so i couldn't find anybody Monday that would see me. After I took a bath and relaxed the pain went back to being that dull constant pain that is really uncomfortable. I ended up going to bed Monday at 7:30 but I was in a lot more pain. Then after 3am I was up every 15 - 30 minutes with that stabbing pain. Got up at 7am and got an appointment. Ulcer. Was told to give up coffee, cut down on smoking, stop eating greasy, fast food. Give up all the things I love. my coffee and cigarettes. Fuck that. I got a new med which takes a few days to really start working. I can't take my migraine meds right now because can't take Aleve. Only tylonal for now and I took two and that did nothing. Finally asked for a prescription for Tylonal 3. Even that didn't help last night.

I'm totally in love with Across the Universe. I'm pretty much addicted to the soundtrack. This is my favorite song. The Beatles have always been my favorite band since I was a kid but the way Jim Sturgess sings this song is just so perfect.


Something
by The Beatles
sung by Jim Sturgess
for Across the Universe


Something in the way she moves,
Attracts me like no other lover.
Something in the way she woos me.
I don't want to leave her now,
You know I believe in how.

Somewhere in her smile she knows,
That I don't need no other lover.
Something in her style that shows me.
I don't want to leave her now,
You know I believe in how.

You're asking me will my love grow,
I don't know, I don't know.
You stick around now, it may show,
I don't know, I don't know.

Something in the way she knows,
And all I have to do is think of her.
Something in the things she shows me.
I don't want to leave her now.
You know I believe in how.

I'm sleepy tonight. I was up until 1am watching Season 1 of Party of Five. Man they don't make tv shows like they used to.
Then at 1 I went back to reading Kevin Smith's book - My Boring-Ass Life. Awesome freaking book. I really liked the last one - Silent Bob Speaks and this one is even better.
I am so sick and fucking tired of taking cabs. I got of at 7 and I was still sitting there at 8:10. I finally had called my mom to come and get me. I didn't get home until 8:20. So my night was shot. Jack was cranky and I still wanted to take a bath and dyd my hair.
Tomarrow is Charity's 12th b-day. I took the day off for her big family b-day dinner. My new honey's coming. He'll be meeting the 'rents and my boy's and my grandma and my sister all in one night. Brave guy. LOL. Everyone is supposed to be on their best behavior. My family has a tendance to embaress me. I also have a lunch date with Jess and Bill. Our schedules haven't exactly matched up lately. I don't want to neglect my best friends just because I have a new guy in my life. It hurts me when friends do it to me so I won't do it. It is hard to balance work, kids, guy, and different sets of friends that don't really mesh well together. I'm trying to do it and be it all to everyone. On top of that they Walmart still doesn't have our hotel information and we have to be at the Silvis store wednesday morning. I hate waiting to the last minute to know what's going on. I'll be in Silvis from the 5th until the 25th helping them with their brand new store.
After lunch tomarrow I have to run to WAlmart and pick up Charity's cake. It's going to have both of our names on it since I was so sick on my birthday so we're kind of going to have a combined birthday dinner. When I pick up the cake I need to get a backless bra to wear out Saturday night. I have a tank top I bought on ebay that laces up the back with red ribbin so it shows my spine but it also shows the back of my bra. I also need to either look for a pair of black jeans or decide to wear my pleather pants. The problem with those pants is they don't breath so by the end of the night after sweating my legs don't smell the greatest. The pants look kick ass but they require a shower as soon as they come off. Is it worth it or is buying a new pair of jeans the easier route to go?
It's now 12am and I'm on my third episode for the night of Party O' Five season 1. Damn this show was some really good stuff. It's actually keeping my ass of the cold porch and smoking. So it's a choice between Party and the Kevin Smith book. Hard choices.
Enough rambling for tonight.

Someone is starting up all the Connor bitching over @ IMDB AGAIN! God, I am so sick of those HATERS. Grow the fuck up! It is(was) a tv show. No one can sit there and blaim either Vincent or Conor for it's down fall. Spin offs rarely do as well as it's parent show, the WB execs were assholes, Joss had three shows going on all @ once and Angel got neglected, and last but not least - if people want to point fingers at who "ruined" Angel maybe they should look @ the Man himself. DB didn't give a shit about that show after season three. He acted like he was just there in body, but not in spirit. Everyone is intitled to their own opinion on characters but don't blaim the actor. Keep that shit on the Angel board. That's why I don't go to the Angel board. I have no problem taking on the occasional hater that crosses into the Vincent board but I'm not/can't take on a whole board.

*wrote this on the 22nd*
Sorry about not updating in awhile. I've been kind of busy lately. If I'm not @ work I'm either with my kids or my new honey and then one night I was @ the Three Days Grace concert. I have @ least four good topics to write about.I'm finally catching up on my computer time. The boys' are @ my sister's birthday party and my honey's @ homee. So I got caught up on a Connnor fanfic story I've been reading, started going through my friends posts on LJ, checked up on Vincent's IMDB board (seperate post about that later) and then it's off to ebay (god, I'm hopelessly addicted). I've been neglecting both my LJ and Myspace but I should have time for both.

I finally found out what happened to my "missing" income tax refund. I happened to get a bank statement in the mail today for an account I haven't used in years and there it was! It's the same bank that it was supposed to be in but in a different account. It was there the whole time. I don't know how it got put into that account but there it was. How freaking odd is that. It must have followed my social security number. That's not the account info I gave Turbo Tax and it's not the account that SB bank or the IRS had in their records. I'm just happy to finally have my money. Now I can get busy on getting my liscence back. My special friend has offered to let me drive his sweet Mustang sometime when I get my liscence back. I'm not a big car girl but I do love Mustangs. I've driven one before and they are a sweet ride.

A few weeks ago a guy I know from work asked me for my phone number. Of course I gave him both my numbers because I kind of liked him and wanted to get to know him better. well last week he asked me out! Saturday night he picked me up (ON TIME!!) and we went and saw The Eye. It was sooo good. I kind of got nervous and he put his arm around my shoulder a bit. Now usually I don't like to be touched a whole lot but it just felt so right, so comfortable. After the movie we went out to eat and everything was just so perfect. The food was great, the conversation was even better. The whole time at dinner I barely even thought about the cigarette I couldn't smoke. He actually listened when I talked. He was so nice. Then we sat out in front of my house and talked some more. He text me Sunday and then yesterday he asked me about VDay. Today he even picked me up for work and went to lunch with me, Jess and Bill. He knows Bill - his aunt is married to Bill's dad. All day at work I was like a little school firl. I was so excited to see him. I haven't felt this way in like 10 years and I'm not afraid. Yeah I'm a bit worried that I'll mess it up or that he won't like me but for some reason this feels right. Yeah I know one date and one set up for the biggest date night of the year doesn't mean a lot but I really want to see where this can go. I always knew from the start that my past relationships (except for The Ex) were going to end but I feel so hopeful about where this could lead. For the first time I feel totally comfortable around a guy, a straight guy at that, right from the start. I hope I'm not setting myself up to be crushed. I don't think I could handle it again. On the bright side he doesn't look like a cheater, but then again neither did The Ex. OK, girl don't try talking yourself out of this. LOL

I got ask out for my very first valentine's Day EVER!!!!! I said I didn't care what we did, I'm not picky but he said since it's VDay (No not Vincent Day, LOL) I pick. Hell, I haven't been on a date in 2 years (except for Saturday when we went to the movies and dinner - which was awesome and I'll write more about that tomarrow). I've never really actually dated. All my kids' dad and I ever did was hang out at country Kitchen. It's not like we ever went any where or did anything. I he left in 1999. Haven't really dated since then. So I'm completely flying blind here. I don't know what I'm doing. I asked almost every female I know and that list isn't very long. Jess, my mom, my grandma, Chris, Emily. All basicly said dinner and a movie. The sucky thing is I don't get off until 6pm and he has to be at work the next day at 7am and I'd hate for him to be tired. There's really nothing else to do in Freeport. Driving any where would cut into our time. More time to talk though. I'm also worried about the weather. We've had such a bad winter. And to top it all off I have a scratch from the corner of my eye brow down to almost my chin thanks to my cat. I was trying to rescue her and that's the thanks I got. Doesn't exactly look too sexy. I can't wait for VDay. he is such a nice guy. I could go on forever but I have to work at 7am and my kid needs to go to bed. Just want to say again how very excited I am to actually be doing something on the big Red day and to share it with such a nice person is awesome. Note to self - DON"T FUCK THIS UP!!!!!!

1. I just read a few people's post about meeting Vincent this past weekend at the Starfury Con. *I totally had to edit this post because i was a tiny bit upset about some of the Connor refrences - god damn haters - made me a bit cranky* He sounds like he's probably a pretty nice guy. He does seem kind of odd but I find that to be very HOT. Maybe he's BiPolar - it wouldn't surprise me.I heard he quit smoking over a year ago and no one posted stories of him being shit faced drunk all weekend like I heard about happening at other Cons. One other thing is If his time on Angel was so horrible then why does he do these Cons? They must pay him a butt load of money.
The only person I wouldn't really have been very interested in seeing would have been the guy who played Holtz cause that guy scares the ever living crap out of me. And it's not just that character because I saw him on Charmed and he scared the crap out of me then too.

2. While I was reading the above posts I was distracted by the fact that I was also watching Across the Universe. Awesome fucking movie. I love the Beatles and even though it's not them singing the songs the words are just so powerful. At a few points I've gotten the chills it's so amazing. I haven't finished it but I'm almost afraid to. I have a bad feeling I'll be bawling my eyes out.

3. we got over 14 inches of snow today. The cabs stoped taking calls at 2pm - I was lucky I got the last one and left work early. The lpows were getting pulled off of the streets. And still Walmart stayed open. People were pissed today at work that we were even open. Hell I was pissed. you wouldn't believe how many stupid people had small children out in that storm. It was a complete white out. Hell, the sky could be raining fire and still Walmart would be open. They're kind of greedy like that.

4. Still no word on where my income tax refund is. I probably won't end up getting it until March which really pisses me off.

For a long time now I've really been thinking about moving out of Freeport. It just feels like this is a big black hole that sucks the life out of you. I mainly stayed around her for my grandma, my sister and a few close friends. After being on the road for work last year I didn't really miss Freeport as much as I thought I would. I still got to see the people I wanted to see but it's nice to know that there is life outside of Freeport. I'm just not sure where. I've had a few ideas over the years but I need to really think where the best place would be for me and the boys. This town doesn't really have a positive feeling for me. It seems like all I do is float around. It's getting to the point where not much matters anymore. Time to go. Once I get my liscence back and do some saving, maybe by tax time next year I can put a transfer in for another Walmart. There are Walmart's all over the place. All I'd really have to do is pick one. How cool is that. I can go somewhere and already have a job and if I want something else I have the chance to look. I could still keep in contact with some people here through the internet and phone calls but why not take a chance. If I'm afraid I'll never know. I want more for myself and the kids and I never planned on being here forever. I don't really like the schools here. I Think it would be kind of nice to just have me and my boys and not worry about who's around the corner ready to rain down shit on my head. The more I think about it the better I like the idea.

CHRIS ISAAK

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you.

No, I don't want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you (This world is only gonna break your heart)

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you.
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you and,

I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you,

No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I... (This world is only gonna break your heart)
(This world is only gonna break your heart)

Nobody loves no one.

I uploaded pictures to two galleries here. This is the first time I've done it so I'm not really sure what I'm doing. I have one for my family and friends pictures and one for pictures of Vincent. It was pretty easy to do but I'm not sure how other people can view them. That part isn't as easy as Myspace.

I have been having problems with my left contact. The right one is great. i figured there was something wrong with the contact. I made an appointment at Shopko to have it looked at and then when I switched contact solution is felt much beter so I cancelled the appointment only to have it become way worse today. I took the cotact out and of cource I couln't see out of that eye and my glasses disapeared. I ended up going to the ER to have it looked at just to find out I have pinkye. I figured pink eye would be painfull but it's just swollen and a little sore. Needless to say I can't put the contact back in until this infection is gone and even then I'll have to get a clean, new contact so I don't reinfect my eye. I really hope I don't pass it around at work but Walmart isn't going to be cool if I miss work. I'm not sick but it is very contagious. I'll see what they want me to do. Most likely they won't care if I'm contagious they'll still let me work.